go with the 18-105, and later on you can look at the excellent 35mm f1.8 and 50mm f1.8D
your D90 will have the built in focusing motor which will allow you to use non A-FS lenses, while the D5100 will limit you to A-FS only.
prices on the used 50mm 1.8d are beginning to drop with the advent of the new 50mm, fantastic for indoor withour flash, fantastic all around.
35mm f1.8, good walk around lens, used prices not too bad, same comment as the 50mm 1.8D.
you mentioned marco, Nikon 40mm, you have to get close, have not used it
Nikon 60mm, not as close, tried it, you should too
Nikon 85mm, for the same price I prefer the Tamron 90mm
or the Tokina 100 f2.8
Nikon 105mm expensive fantastic, but expensive.
after that you can begin to look at fixed or zoom telephoto, and you will get a lot of advice on that subject.